They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
