i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
