Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
