arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
