You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
