So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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