I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
