I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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