this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
