Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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