OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
