On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
