Capitaan dildo arrescate!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
