no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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