Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
