Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
