why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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