don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
