If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
