Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
