How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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