My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
