is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
