I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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