Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
