so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
