I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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