dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
