Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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