dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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