Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize