He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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