I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
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I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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