We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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