I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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