My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
