but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
