My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
