God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
