Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
