She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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