did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
