i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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