I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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