i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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