guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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