Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
