my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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