i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
