i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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