Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
