Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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