sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She is in my trunk
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
