I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
