My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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