love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
