just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I checked into jail on foursquare
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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