angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
