Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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