I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
