I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
