the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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