Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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